Of course I’ll save you.

Lately, the issue of just how much Filipina I am has been bothering me. My mother thinks I've strayed too far away from my Filipino roots, not respecting the traditional values and morals that my parents have grown up with. I, on the other hand, think I'm neglecting my Chinese side.

How Chinese can a Filipino-Chinese be?

How Filipino can a Filipino-Chinese be?

It's not really that easy for me to draw the line. In Singapore, I'm not Chinese enough, in the Philippines, I'm not Filipino enough. Mother always said I'm Filipino first above everything else, that I am a Filipino who happen to have Chinese blood. Well if you draw the friggin' family tree and calculate all the friggin' statistics, then yeah, I'm only officially a quarter Chinese and three-quarters Filipino.

I hope the day never comes when I have to choose between the two, because I don't think I can. Twenty years and I've been living both. Not solely on one side but just enough to get by. Half the time, I don't even know if I'm faking it. Haha, do I fake it? Maybe, maybe not. I honestly can't tell.

Yay, two weeks into the new year and I'm facing a minor identity crisis. Jolly.

———-

We were in a train and all of a sudden people started to run away from it like it was about to explode or someone has just shouted 'Bomb!'. Well of course in dreams, not everything has to make sense, like the fact that I was on board a passenger train but sitting lazily on a couch, and that I was accompanied by none other than Will. I don't dream about Will so this makes this dream extra weird. I mean, I don't even dream about Dan, Mon, Fel and Fin most of the time. In fact, hardly ever.

When the other passengers stared to run away, Mr Will grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to safety. God knows what happened to the train and the other passengers, I'm guessing they blew up or something. So anyway, I looked up at Will and said "You saved me." And then with so much sincerity and honesty he said, "Of course I'll save."

Quite the opposite of how he said it at McDonald's this afternoon, a little on the sarcastic side with a sly smile, when I recounted the details of my dream. First he said, it's something the normal Will would do if the situation were to happen in real life. And then a few minutes later, he said he prolly would run away and save himself first. Will, Will, so which is it?

———-